BOOB STORY NO. 1

I don’t exactly remember when this conversation between me and my son happened, but I remember very well that he raised this question while I was giving him a bath and he noticed his boobs.

Justin: Mommy, what are “boobs”?

Me: Where did you hear that, baby?

Justin: From Teacher K. I heard her say that to Teacher G.

Me: “Boobs” are breasts, baby, but you don’t say “boobs,” you say “breast.”

Justin: Okay.

Of course, I use the word “boobs”, too, sometimes. One day, when he heard me say “boobs,” he was quick to correct me.

Justin: “Don’t say “boobs, Mommy, say “breast”?

Me: I’m sorry, baby. You’re right; Mommy is wrong. It’s “breast,” not “boobs.”

BOOB STORY NO. 2

Last night, while we were having our nightly bedtime chat, he asked me another question about boobs.

Justin: Mommy, why are girls’ boobs bigger than the boys’?

It took me a while to reply, but I manage to give him a credible answer.

Me: Because girls become mommies someday, and their breasts will have milk that they will feed to their babies. They need bigger breasts to store all the milk that their babies need.

Justin: Ah, so breasts are like plates?

Me: Plates?

Justin: Because plates are where we put food on, while breasts are a place to put milk on.

I smiled at my son’s good analogy: "Plate is for food, while breast is for milk."

My son is an intelligent boy. He noticed that I’ve been working beyond my normal work schedule for a few months now. Before, my work usually ends at 5pm. He knows that because that’s his time to use our laptop. Now, I work until 8pm on most days.

A few days ago after I finished my work (my full-time work, that is) and my writing assignment about Honda Rancher 420, I sat with my son in front of the TV and he asked me, “Mommy, why do you have to work until late everyday”?

“So we’ll have money to buy the things that we need.”

“Don’t worry, Mommy! The tooth fairy will give you money so you won’t have to work.”

“Wow! Really, baby”?

“Yes!”

In my mind, I was thinking: “How many teeth do I have to lose so the tooth fairy can give us all the money that we need”? Besides, aren’t tooth fairies for kids only?

“Perhaps, you meant the “fairy godmother,” baby, and not the tooth fairy.”

He didn’t seem to hear what I just said, so I see no point in discussing the subject further.

This was a casual conversation my son and I had the other day while he’s busy tinkering with my cell phone.

Justin: I don’t like one of my girl classmates anymore.

Mommy: Why?

Justin: Because she’s not pretty.

Mommy: What makes her not pretty?

Justin: She doesn’t have a headband.

Mommy: Really? What makes a girl pretty?

Justin: Bracelet. She should have a bracelet.

Mommy: What else? Does a pretty girl wear a skirt or pants?

Justin: Skirt.

Mommy: What about her skin, white or dark? (My son doesn’t know fair complexion yet.)

Justin: White.

Mommy: What about her hair, long or short?

Justin: Long.

Mommy: Curly or straight?

Justin: Curly.

So there, my four-year-old defines a pretty girl as someone with a headband and a bracelet, wears a skirt, has white skin and long and curly hair.

This is my official entry to the “Humor Me Makoy Contest.” I have been following Makoy’s blog, and I consider his “Funny Corned Beef Story” post the funniest because it shows that it’s better to keep your food to yourself than be generous when you’re living on a tight budget or you’ll starve! Wahahaha! This post is also filled with wits. On the kids’ part, it shows how the flesh is stronger than the spirit. Because they like Purefoods corned beef so much, they simply couldn’t resist the urge to get their fill of your delicious fare to the point where you’re left with almost nothing. It’s a good thing that you’re not really hungry at that time. LOL! That post also articulates the point that it’s human nature to crave for what others have. The kids already have chicken, but it’s your corned beef that they want. Finally and most importantly, your post shows how Filipinos, no matter where they are in the world, are certified corned beef lovers.

And this is my own funny story: This incident happened last December 2009. At 3 years and 5 months old, our son Justin was already adept at using both our desktop and laptop in playing online games, watching his favorite YouTube videos, etc. He prefers using the laptop, though, because he says everything is so much faster there. That’s because our poor desktop has been with us for 5 years already and was running on very low memory.

At exactly 5pm from Mondays to Fridays, Justin takes over mommy’s place in front of our laptop. There are days, however, when he would insist that it’s his turn to use our laptop already when I wasn't done with work yet, such as what transpired on this particular work day when he woke up from his afternoon nap crying.

Justin: Mommy, I want to use the laptop.

Mommy: You can’t, baby, mommy’s still working.

This conversation went on for a few more minutes until I got fed up with his whining and decided to use our desktop to give way to my overly demanding son.

Mommy: Justin, that’s mommy and daddy’s laptop. It’s not yours!

Justin: You buy your own laptop, mommy!

I was flabbergasted to hear my preschooler utter those words.

The other day before Justin went to summer class, he asked me this question.

Justin: Mommy, what is a “bruha”?

Mommy: “Bruha” is the Tagalog word for “witch.” When Mommy is mad, she becomes a “bruha.”

Later that night when I was giving him a shower and I was getting short-tempered because of his delaying tactics, he looked at my face and asked.

Justin: Are you going to be a “bruha,” Mommy?

Mommy: (Laughing now). Yes, so you better hurry!

After Justin finished his second bottle of milk yesterday morning, he hurriedly went to the bathroom because he needed to pee. He asked me these questions afterwards.

Justin: Mommy, why does the milk I drink become my pee, and why does the food I eat become my poop?

I didn’t have a ready answer to his questions, so I just told him instead that “Those are very intelligent questions, baby!” I was laughing silently and pondering the answers to the same questions in case he asks them again.

What would you tell your kids if they ask you these questions?

The latest hit song of Sexbomb, the popular all-female dance group in the Philippines, is called “Bilog na Hugis Itlog.” This song gives instructions on how voters will fill out their ballots during the May 2010 automated national and local elections.

The song goes like this:

May bilog, may bilog na hugis itlog
May bilog, may bilog na hugis itlog
Ang kailangan sa bilog
ay simpleng-simple lang
Itiman, i-shade loob ng bilog
Hanapin ang bilog sa tapat ng pangalan
ng kandidatong napupusuan
Ang bilog, ang bilog
sa tapat ng pangalan
‘Yan ang dapat nating markahan

Upon hearing “May bilog, may bilog na hugis itlog” (Translation: “There’s a circle, there’s a circle, that is egg-shaped”), my son was quick to respond.

Justin: Mommy, they’re wrong.

Mommy: Why, baby?

Justin: Egg is not circle-shaped; it’s oblong.

How can I argue with someone who is telling the truth?

Our son Justin is being taught to speak in English in school. To facilitate that process, we (hubby and I) would speak to him in English, too, at home. When our son’s in a good mood, he’ll be saying things in English non-stop. Sometimes, he speaks good English like when he says, “Thank you for helping” or “I’m covering my mouth.”

He also has his bloopers, too, which is understandable given that he’s only 3 ½ years old and English is his second language. A few weeks ago, Justin asked me to buy him a toy camera. I bought him a cheap one because I know his fascination for that toy won’t last long. Using his new toy, he pretends to be taking a snap of things in the house. He then pretended to take a picture of his Dad who’s busy using the laptop at that time, so I asked him.

Mommy: What are you doing, Justin?

Justin: I’m picturing Daddy.

My 3-year-and-5-month-old son is now adept at using both our desktop and laptop in playing online games, watching his favorite YouTube videos, etc. He prefers using the laptop, though, because he says everything is so much faster there. That’s because our poor desktop is now 5 years old and running on very low memory.

At exactly 5pm from Mondays to Fridays, Justin takes over mommy’s place in front of our laptop. There are days, however, when he would insist that it’s his turn to use our laptop already when I wasn't done with work yet, such as what happened last week when he woke up from his afternoon nap crying.

Justin: Mommy, I want to use the laptop.

Mommy: You can’t, baby, mommy’s still working.

This conversation went on for a few more minutes until I got fed up with his whining and decided to use our desktop to give way to my overly demanding son.

Mommy: Justin, that’s mommy and daddy’s laptop. It’s not yours.

Justin: You buy your own laptop, mommy!

I was flabbergasted.

One time, Justin’s lolo (grandfather) took out two big tilapia (St. Peter’s fish) out of the freezer for thawing, put them on a plate, and placed the plate on one of the lower refrigerator shelves.

Now, it’s Justin’s habit to open the refrigerator from time to time to check out new food additions inside. When he saw the big tilapia, he said out loud: “Look, Mommy, look, shark!"

I woke up one day finding my son’s mini toy cars neatly parked on my dish rack.


Perhaps, my son thought since dish rack can organize our dishes, it can do wonders for his toys, too.

During one of the scenes from the primetime telenovela that Justin and I were watching, an actress was crying. Curious, Justin asked me.

Justin: Bakit sya cry, mommy? Spank sya ng daddy nya? (Why is she crying, mommy? Did her daddy spank her?)

At 2 years and 8 months old, Justin can already count from one to 30. He has a funny way of saying 30, though.

Justin: ...twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, twenty-ten.

Whenever Justin eats cookies or chips, we usually ask him to get his Winnie the Pooh feeding bowl where we put these finger foods. That has become a habit for quite some time now.

We went to the playground the other day and Justin got envious of a playmate who was having her midmorning snack while playing. I asked his yaya (nanny) to get him something to eat. His yaya then proceeded to unwrap Justin’s food and when he was asked to get some, he said, “Saan ang tasa?” (Where’s the bowl?) [Note: For some reasons, we taught him to call his bowl “tasa,” instead of “mangkok” (the Filipino term for “bowl”).]

Justin is so used to eating from his bowl that he asked for it even if he was outside our house. He thinks that's the normal thing to do.

Justin can now recite numbers 1 to 20 in the blink of an eye. He can only identify numbers 1 to 8, however. Last night, while going through his Brainy Baby book on numbers, I asked him a question.

Mommy: “Baby, where is number 6?”

Justin’s eyes were actually fixed on numbers 9 and 10 at that time. He then turned the book upside down.

Justin: “Number 6, Mommy” (while pointing to the inverted number 9).

I finally experienced what it's like to have pouting lips. It’s not the seductive type, though, a.k.a. Angelina Jolie lips, but the swollen/inflamed/enlarged one. The fact is I was bitten by a bug, not the laziness bug (although I think I’m showing symptoms of this; blame it on the long Christmas vacation), but a real insect, a very pesky one, when I was most vulnerable, that is, when I was asleep.

I was working on one of my essays yesterday when dreamland beckoned. I could hardly keep my eyes open and I couldn’t think straight. So I gave in. Since I work in the bedroom, it wasn’t hard getting into bed. I plopped onto it facedown and decided to take a 15-minute nap.

When I opened my eyes, I was back to work and didn’t feel anything unusual. It was only when I was having dinner when my tongue instinctively touched my upper lip that I felt something new, something strange and something out of the ordinary. I went straight to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and lo and behold! An instant makeover!

I couldn’t say I was pleased, though. The nettlesome bug who smacked my upper lip might have smelled something fishy, err…beefy, as I had just finished my simple lunch of rice and sautéed corned beef when I dozed off. Or could it be that it caught a wisp of the strawberry lip moisturizer I applied early on?

The moral of the story is: Wipe your mouth (lips) after eating or better yet, keep your mouth closed while napping.

I overheard this conversation between my son Justin and his yaya (nanny) from inside the bedroom where I work.

Justin: (Doodling on his notebook) "Family." (He’s trying to draw a family. He now knows that a family consists of daddy, mommy, and baby.)

Manang: "Ano ang name ni Mommy?" (What is mommy’s name?)

Justin: "Teresa."

Manang: "Wow, galing!" (Wow, great!) "Eh, ano ang name ni Daddy?" (What is daddy’s name?)

Justin: "Eduardo."

Manang: "Wow! Very good! Ano naman ang name ni Justin?" (What is Justin’s name?)

Justin: "Justin Edward Figuerres." (His last name he pronounced as “Guerres” only.)

Manang: (Clapping her hands with glee) "Very good!"

Justin, now two years and 5 months old, knew how to say his name when he turned a little older than one, but our names (his dad’s and mine), I have only told him a couple of times. I never thought he’d remember. Should I tell him our telephone number next?

Justin loves calling his lolo and lola (grandfather and grandmother whom he fondly calls Tatay and Nanay) using my cell phone.

When he’s about to end the conversation, he would say the following repeatedly as his closing spiel: “Bye. Take care. Good night. I love you.”

After saying “I love you,” he would hug the cell phone he’s holding as if embracing the person he’s talking to.

I would often comment how good-looking my son Justin is whenever I comb his hair. One time after giving him his bath, I started combing his hair and, as a force of habit, told him, “Justin, pogi” (Justin, handsome baby).

"Pogi" is the Filipino masculine term for comely or beautiful.

After I was done fixing his hair, I started combing my hair, too. When Justin saw me doing it, he said, “Mommy, pogi” (Mommy, handsome).

Justin does not particularly like monggo (mung beans). How do I know? Two weeks ago, our lunch consisted of ginisang monggo (mung beans soup) and fried fish. Justin’s nanny mixed some monggo beans with rice for his meal. He only ate two teaspoonfuls of rice and nothing more. This was what he said to his nanny:

Justin: “Kawawa, Justin, kawawa!” (Poor boy, Justin, poor boy!)